When staring at an oven is lesser waste of time than watching a film, you know you’ve found a true gem. This list contains 10 of them.
I dare to say that I’m an experienced specialist when it comes to bad films. This vile practice has started back in high school. A bad movie, a six-pack for two and a good friend who appreciated the same kind of crap. Life was beautiful back then.
Nowadays, I don’t have that much time to waste on stupid, bad films. Yet you know what they say – old flame never dies. This is why I still try to squeeze these horrendous abominations in between festival darlings and big Hollywood movies.
Here is 10 that I found extremely difficult to finish. Why, you probably ask. Well, for various reasons that I explain below.
#1 Amethyst (2016)
For starters I’ll say that if you go to the imdb profile of “Amethyst”, you’ll find that only 25 people dared to watch it and rate it.
I am among these people.
“Amethyst” is an equivalent of drinking the cheapest beer you can find in your local cheap beer shop. Drinking it warm, preferably from a can directly (for a richer bouquet of taste) will be closer to the experience with “Amethyst”.
The film’s about a girl who “accidentally” drinks a vial of LSD. It is a very relatable situation, because we’ve all been there. I have drank a few LSD vials in my life, purely by accident.
Then, she wanders in an arboretum, where she meets an flute-playing exhibitionist, a random kid and a vampire with extremely big breasts. The whole film is shot with a pink and purple filter and this genuine guilty pleasure is enriched by a soundtrack heavily resembling “The Room” (this infamous one).
Even though it’s only 70 minutes long, it’s a true challenge to finish it.
#2 Feeders (1996)
Aliens invading Earth have never been so painfully boring as they happen to be in “Feeders”.
The film often uses a POV of the rickety extraterrestrials, which was supposed to be a way of enriching the cinematic experience. But “Feeders”, helmed by three directors (!), is all over the place, garnished with a rich array of cheap effects and catastrophic acting.
You can actually watch “Feeders” on Youtube. So get down to it (or maybe not…).
#3 Death Bed: A Bed That Eats (1977)
“A bed possessed by a demon spirit consumes its users alive.”
Rarely does it happen that the one-sentence-long description of a film sums it entirely. However, in this film by George Barry, literally everything that happens is people being eaten by the titular bed.
There is a whole bunch of hilarious scenes in the film (especially the random items floating in the digestive juices shown multiple times), but the overall outcome is beyond endurance of a regular moviegoer.
Watch the trailer below – there is a man shooting a bed. Literally.
#4 The Beast Of Yucca Flats (1961)
Joseph Javorsky.
This name has haunted me ever since I’ve watched “The Beast Of Yucca Flats”. It’s a Russian scientist, who turns into the titular beast as a result of a failed nuclear experience.
It’s a film so daringly bad, so unbearably unwatchable that I had to make multiple pauses to sustain pulse in my veins. The Beast is on a rampage – yes – but in the meantime, there is a whole lot of nothing. Literally nothing, because the creators of the film didn’t come up with a proper script.
The result? A former wrestler roaming around desolate barrens for an hour. Hooray!
#5 Ax’em (1992)
A party. A cabin in the woods. A bunch of amateur actors, clueless in every scene.
The grandeur of “Ax’em” is represented by its imdb score – a palatial 1.2 with almost 1500 votes. It’s an entirely non-professional effort, directed by people who watched too many slashers in their life and had a few bucks to waste ($650 to be precise). It was probably shot with a pager or a calculator, while the soundtrack is an avant-garde mixtape of the director’s friend.
Until this day, it remains one of the worst films that the world has witnessed.
#6 Over-sexed Rugsuckers From Mars (1989)
To prewarn the skeptics – a film with this title actually exists.
As the title boldly suggests, the film is about the naughty vacuum cleaners, which could easily fit in “50 Shades Of Grey”. The household products are possessed by some sort of alien creatures. This causes them to assault random people (I emphasize the word people) and, well, rape them with their slick tubes and pipes.
The absurd of the film blended with an ultra-low budget might keep you glued, but “Over-sexed Rugsuckers From Mars” might be too much for sensitive viewers.
#7 The Wasp Woman (1959)
Produced by the one and only Roger Corman, “The Wasp Woman” is pretty self-explanatory. Indeed, the film portrays a tragic story of a woman who turned into a wasp.
The thing is, out of the 63 minutes of runtime, the monster is shown for roughly a minute. The hour left is either people standing or sitting and talking about cosmetic experiments that include bee wax.
#8 Troll 2 (1990)
This is a classic among the fans of bad movies. If you go to this subreddit about cult & campy flicks and ask about “Troll 2”, you’re stepping into a mine.
This film makes no sense. Literally, following the plot is like looking for feet or hands in a snake. It’s not going to happen pal. A bonus – the film is atrocious from almost every angle imaginable.
The titular trolls are villagers in a city called Niblog (you see what they did there – read it from the end), where people die in rather shady ways (like being drowned in popcorn). And trust me – you won’t cry over any of these deaths. Maybe tears will flow, but for whole other reason.
#9 Basket Case 3: The Progeny (1991)
Some films are unwatchable, because of the sheer stupidity of their creators. “Basket Case 3: The Progeny” should be avoided at all costs for this very reason.
The original movie from the 80s introduced two brothers. One was normal, the second one lived in the titular basket. He was a killer on the loose, a deformed being that was mercilessly seeking revenge for whatever reason.
While the campiness of the first part was charming, the third part is a blood-stained massacre, with only traces of storytelling. It’s a gory pulp, which might appeal to only the most perverted cinema goers. Stay healthy and avoid it.
#10 Bad Biology
While some amateurish flicks became cult pieces – like “Birdemic” and “The Room” – there are titles very close to gaining an equal following. The tiny difference is – they never reach that point.
“Bad Biology” will harbour in your mind like an outdated milk on your digestive system. It’s a fatal experience, most likely one of the worst films in the 21st century too. Two plot is basically a soft porn piece, with an excruciatingly nonsense story. It’s bloody, campy, badly acted and completely out of place.
We’re done!
Those were 10 awfully bad films, which you will probably feel eager to watch now (it’s always the case). If you like wasting your time, be my guest.
