Cats (2019) is every inch of a disaster we suspected.

So, a while back I wrote that the Internet was roasting the Cats (2019) trailer. Here’s the article, if you somehow missed that phenomenon.

Anyway, the movie will hit the cinemas this week and the reviews suggest it’s the biggest flop of 2019. In this short recap, I’m looking at the best punchlines that RT critics threw against Tom Hooper’s film.

Cats (2019) – What did the critics pan?

Most of the writers point to the general blandness of Cats (2019). Many mentioned that the film’s a slur towards the source material and takes many off-course routes which seem unnecessary. Some critics mentioned that the acting could actually save its face (a little bit), alas the heavy CGI renders the images to be awkwardly unpleasant. Calamity, befuddlement, misunderstanding, disaster – those were the often mentioned words.

A general impression is that this isn’t quite the heart-warming Christmas film for everyone. And while the conclusion from Rotten Tomatoes is still lacking, a waterfall of reviews explains what’s wrong with Cats (2019).

Here are some of the best reviews.

I felt the light inside me slowly fading.

Hannah Woodhead, Little White Lies

There is something magical about the simple fact that this movie exists, in all its obscene, absurd wonder, its terrible filmmaking choices and bursts of jaw-dropping talent.

Alison Wilmore, Vulture

Cats is a special kind of terrible. No matter how ridiculous it gets, the cast never once backs down. It’s a trainwreck from start to finish, but the sort of trainwreck that captures your attention with its audacity and never lets you go.

Charlie Ridgely, comicbook.com

Congratulations to dogs.

Nate Adams, the only critic

First off, full disclosure — I am not a cat person. Second off — after watching this frankly mortifying film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats, I’m not altogether sure I am a movie person anymore either.

Alan Corr, RTE

A bit of a spoiler here, but:

Once Tom Hooper’s 110 minutes of Cats are over, theater is dead. One lucky Jellicle cat is dead. And we unchosen ones are left, tragically, to continue living.

Lena Wilson, The Playlist

Still, I’d say that my favorite opinion is the one written by Adam Graham from Detroit News:

“Woof.”

And then the above is beautifully summed up by:

Oh God, my eyes.

Ty Burr, Boston Globe

Any positive note?

The 17% indicates that someone found Cats (2019) enjoyable. Indeed, a few brave ones gave Tom Hooper’s visionary cataclysm an okay. Like Mashable’s Angie Han, who wrote:

I gasped with laughter, I covered my face, I pulled at my hair, I clasped my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming. Cats had broken me, and I’d never felt happier.

Screenrant’s review was also in favor of this adaptation:

Cats brings Webber’s Broadway sensation to life as an audaciously bizarre spectacle sure to delight and divide as much as the original musical does.

USA Today was also kind to Hooper’s film. As found in the review:

A bunch of well-known celebrities get turned into singing, scenery-chewing digital kitties in the utterly absurd yet oddly charming movie musical version of the Broadway hit.

While I’m anxiously waiting for my own experience with Cats (2019), share your thoughts in the comments. Did you fall in love with furry, meowing people or you just turned into a dog person?